JM BENAVIDEZ

Zuriel stood very still as the door closed and I thought I could almost see his heart pounding as I turned my head back towards him. He started to open his mouth and I threw myself against him, stopping his words with a kiss. I kissed him with everything I had, giving him all of my heart that was his, freeing myself of the fear that I let hold me in check. He seemed caught off guard and it took him a moment to recover and kiss me back. But his kiss was softer, gentler, more guarded than before, even though I could feel the depth of his feelings for me. He cradled my face in his hands slowing me and pulling back as he looked into my eyes. "Talk to me love. I want to understand, but I feel so lost." I hugged him fiercely, his words speaking to the depths of my soul and he hugged me back, clinging to me as much as I clung to him. I held him until the ache in my heart eased and then I loosened my grip. "Come sit down with me."

He nodded and let me lead him to the couch. I motioned for him to sit down and then I curled up close beside him. He smiled and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me against him. "So talk to me." I wrinkled my brows wondering where to start. "Promise you won't get offended, I have a really hard time getting my thoughts out when you're around." He nodded, placing a soft kiss on my temple. "I promise." I sighed, his demeanor was suddenly so calm, so reserved, it set me at ease and I wondered if he had always been this way or my comment had brought it about. I looked up into his face. "I've never seen you like this before." He gave me a weak smile. "You've never given me the chance." I frowned. "Even in our dreams though, they feel like memories, like a months' worth of memories and I don't remember you like this." He shook his head. "It was just a dream and while parts of it was based on who I really am because I lived it with you, parts of it wasn't." 

He turned towards me, so he could hold me with both arms as he looked down at me. "I know that I pushed you too hard this morning and I'm sorry I gave you that impression of me. But I'm not all hormones and adrenaline." He frowned trying to find the right words to answer what he thought were my concerns. "I know that you and I have a different sort of relationship than the one you have with Amadeus. Part of that is because you two are closer in age and grew up together, while I was off trailing Etienne and Lael. Part of what you said in the dream last night really struck home with me." I placed my fingers over his lips silencing him. "I only used that as an excuse to put distance between us so you wouldn't find out how much I liked you." He placed a soft kiss on my lips. "You are a pretty convincing liar." I shook my head. "Not usually, that dream world seemed to bring out the worst in me." 

I shook my head. "It's true, our relationship is different and yes part of that is because you are older. But that's only because I feel pressured to live up to your standards. This relationship may change the nature of our relationship, but you are still my cool older brother and I feel like your bratty little sister trying to prove to you that I'm good enough just to tag along." He sighed, caressing my cheek. "I may refer to you as little or baby, but only as endearing terms. I see you as every bit my equal if not my superior. Of all of our generation, you seem like the only one who knows who they are and you aren't afraid to tell people where to stick it if you don't like it. You dance to your own beat and don't let anyone put you in a box. I wish I had your confidence and bravery." I chuckled softly. "Are you kidding me? I'm a porcupine to protect my tender insides. I'm nervous, hesitant, self conscious and maybe even self loathing at times. I'm the exact opposite of all of my sisters. I'm smaller, plainer and less feminine; none of which make good confidence boosters." Zuriel laughed. "You are so judgmental towards yourself; I wonder what you think about me." I brushed my hand over his shoulder, following my hand with my eyes before looking back up at him. "What I thought about you, because my opinion is quickly changing." He smiled. "It's improving I hope." I nodded. "It is." 

I looked up at his face adoringly and ran my fingers through the curls at his forehead. "It really helps that I have the ability to function." He wrinkled his brows. "What do you mean?" I sighed. "All night in my dreams and just about every second I've been with you until Amadeus left, I've just been a whirlwind of emotions. They have been so strong that I feel like I can't control myself, sometimes I couldn't even think clearly." He nodded. "That's why you got so upset in the bathroom." I nodded. "But I don't feel that way around Amadeus." Zuriel ran his hand down my arm. "And right now?" I sighed. "You don't seem to be the same man. It's strange, I said the same thing to Amadeus, it's like you have this alternate personality that you've never shown anyone before and I seem to bring it out in both of you." 

He looked from one of my eyes to the other, stirring the butterflies that I had forgotten lived in my stomach when he was around. "We could say the same about you, but I think loving someone brings out a side that the rest of the world shouldn't get to see. The side that is meant strictly for the holder of your heart. A softer, vulnerable side." I hummed softly, swooning under the intense gaze of his green eyes. "I make you vulnerable?" He nodded. "Very much so. Words that would never faze me, sting when spoken by you. A look from you can cripple me or even shatter my world." I hung my head, ashamed of my behavior earlier and he lifted my chin. "But it seems I am not the only one affected this way. I promise to temper my words and emotions if you do." 

I smiled into his beautiful eyes. "I would do anything to keep you looking at me like that." He placed a kiss softly on my lips. "I'm in love with you Meira. I don't think anything could stop me from looking at you like that." My heart stopped mid beat, as he smiled into my face and when he leaned closer my heart kick started itself, racing as if it were going to beat out of my chest. Our eyes closed simultaneously as our lips met in a love filled embrace. It was every bit the stuff of fairytales that usually ended the stories with happily ever after, but this was our beginning. When our lips parted I looked up at him breathlessly. "I love you too Zuriel." He caressed my cheek tenderly. "I can't tell you how happy it makes me to hear it." I batted my lashes flirtatiously. "You could always kiss me again and try to prove it." He chuckled softly. "That I could." And he did. He kissed me breathless. 

My body chose that moment to remind me that he was the one who drove me crazy to the point of thoughtlessness and I froze in place. It was almost quite humorous as my lips stopped returning his kiss and my hands released their hold on him as my mind ran wild with all of the things I wanted to do to him. Zuriel leaned back, raising an eyebrow as he looked at me. "Are you alright?" I wrinkled my face, blinking several times as I tried to salvage the situation. "I uh... yeah..." I shook my head, trying to clear the images from my mind and I tucked my hair behind my ear nervously. He tilted my chin smiling reassuringly. "What happened? Where did you go?" I giggled. "I'm not sure I'm ready to admit that." He raised his eyebrows, following my train of thought. "That good huh?" I blushed. "I told you, I'm not always able to mentally function around you." He smiled. "You seemed to be mentally functioning just fine; it was your body that shut down." 

I took a deep breath, grimacing at my own frustration. "I want to do something, but I'm kind of afraid to." Zuriel sat back against the couch, releasing me. "How can I help ease your fears?" I bit my bottom lip thoughtfully. "Don't move?" He nodded, placing his hands at his sides. "Alright." I stood up from the couch, looking down at him. "Scoot more towards the middle." He nodded and shifted over before placing his palms on the cushions on either side of him. I knelt down, placing a knee on either side of his lap, straddling him. The muscles in his jaw twitched and I sat down in his lap. He frowned. "Hold on, sit up a sec." I got back up onto my knees and he lifted his hips, adjusting his cargo pants. He grimaced as he shifted and then cleared his throat. "Ok." 

I raised an eyebrow, looking at him curiously and he smirked. "Don't look at me like that, I'm a guy and I have external appendages." I carefully eased back down into his lap and he laughed. "You're alright now. You aren't going to crush anything." I grimaced. "I'm sorry." He shook his head, laughing at my sudden embarrassment. "It's alright you didn't hurt me, it was just a little uncomfortable." I wrinkled my nose. "Sometimes I forget." He laughed harder. "Gee thanks. You sure know how to make a guy feel special." I smacked myself in the forehead. "This is awful." Zuriel was shaking with laughter and he shook his head. "No honey it's not." He cleared his throat, trying to contain himself. "It's awkward maybe, but not awful." I closed my eyes, letting my arms drop and my shoulders sag. I felt miserable, why was it so much harder around him?

Zuriel ran his hands up my arms, over my shoulders and up my neck. He brushed his fingers lightly across the back of my neck. "Come on now, none of that." He pulled me down to him and kissed me gently. "Now what did you want to do?" I sighed, shaking my head. He gave me a serious look and then dropped his hands, placing them back on the couch beside him. "Please." His voice was nearly a whisper and it had an aphrodisiac effect on me. I closed my eyes, practically panting at the sound. "I told you I wouldn't move, but looking at you right now makes it very hard not to." I slowly opened my eyes, looking at him through my lashes. "I want to trust you Zuriel, to trust myself but I have to do it in slow steps." He barely nodded his head. "I know." 

I leaned forward, exhaling against his lips. "Everything about you drives me crazy." I closed my eyes, brushing my open mouth against his, yet not quite kissing him. "My heart is racing, my breath shallow and all I can think of is how badly I want you." I leaned in further, bringing my mouth by his ear. "I want to touch you, to kiss you, to belong to you." His chest rose and fell rapidly as his labored breaths filled my ear. He curled his fingers against the couch cushion, fighting the desire to touch me. "Can you feel it?" I whispered, curling my tongue around the lobe of his ear. He groaned and pressed his cheek against mine. "I would say you have no idea, but I think you do." 

I bit my bottom lip, fighting the urge to say the words that wanted to fly out of my mouth. I exhaled a shaky breath into his ear and he moaned, fisting his hands. I smiled, who was I kidding? "Show me." I whispered and he fisted his hands in the back of my shirt, pressing me against him as he kissed me. His tongue invaded my mouth, rough at first but gentle within seconds. He released his grip on my shirt, running his hands over my back. He withdrew his tongue, moaning softly against my lips. "I don't want to push you, you have to show me." I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, pulling his body tight against mine. "I'll tell you if I need you to ease up." I shifted my hips, pressing firmly against his unmistakable bulge with my own ache. He inhaled sharply, looking into my eyes. "Meira." I nodded. "Yes Zuriel?" His lashes fluttered as he fought his own inner battle. "I will not be able to think clearly if you keep doing that." I unfolded my arms from his shoulders and ran my hands down his ribs to the hem of his shirt. "And why would you need to do that?" I asked with a seductive smile as I raised his black t-shirt. He lifted his arms letting me pull it over his head.

Zuriel narrowed his eyes and wrapped his arms around my rear, gripping me tightly as he stood up. I squealed, wrapping my arms around him and he walked me over to the front door. He flipped the deadbolt and then carried me into the bedroom. He closed the door behind him and walked me over to the bed, setting me down on my feet next to the foot of the bed. He took a step backwards, catching his breath and eying me carefully. "I'd like to try something with you." I smiled, dropping my hands to my sides. "I'm all yours." He nodded and then turned his back towards me. "Take off your shirt and lay face down on the bed." I smiled and stepped forward, placing my hand on his back. "Turn around." He tilted his head towards me and I pulled his arm, turning him. His eyes met mine. "Some privileges have to be earned." I placed his hands on my hips, sliding them up my sides to my bare skin. His lashes fluttered and I leaned forward kissing him. His hands gripped me firmly as he refused to move them. I smiled. "I was angry and you weren't supposed to be there." He looked past me. "You know, there's probably a shirt in that dresser right there." I smiled, astounded that the fact hadn't dawned on me. "Probably." 

I placed a soft kiss on his lips. “If you want it off, take it off.” I whispered, kissing him again. He exhaled against my lips. “I was aiming for something a little more innocent.” I licked my lips, touching his with the tip of my tongue. “Were you?” He groaned, sliding his hands up to my ribs and stopping. “I wanted to try and get us both comfortable with having each other in such close proximity. All I wanted to do was rub your back.” I placed my hands on his chest, caressing him absently. “And what is it that you want to do now?” He slid his hands another inch up my ribs, brushing his thumbs across the bottom edge of my breasts. I closed my eyes, letting out a shaky exhale. “I think a shorter answer would be, what don’t I want to do now.” 

I raised my arms over my head, meeting his lusty stare with my own. Where Amadeus would have questioned me, Zuriel didn’t. He slowly lifted my shirt up over my head, dropping it on the floor as his eyes devoured me. “I’ve got to admit, I was impressed the first time, but under this context you are far more appealing.” I smiled as he brushed his hands down my arms.  His hands trembled and I took them in mine, pulling them up to my lips. “You’re shaking.” He smirked. “It’s not every day that you get to have your dream girl standing in front of you, tempting you with treasures you desire.” I wrapped his arms around my back, pressing my exposed skin against his. “You desire me?” He groaned pressing his hips and aching need against me for emphasis. “In every way.” I sighed against his lips. “I’m not sure I’m ready for every way just yet, but I’ll let you know when we reach a point that makes me uncomfortable.” 

Zuriel smiled into my eyes. “Maybe you should just lay down on your stomach and let me start with that back rub.” I nodded and he kissed me before untangling me from his arms. I turned and crawled up the bad, vaguely aware of the tense in his posture as I laid down in the center of the bed. He hesitated at the foot of the bed and I lifted up, looking over my shoulder at him. “Is something wrong?” He cleared his throat and shook his head. “Nope, I just needed a second to compose myself.” I giggled. “It’s that hard for you too?” He wrinkled his face at my words and I buried my face in the bed. “That wasn’t quite how I meant it.” He laughed kneeling on the foot of the bed. “Yeah but that’s how you affect me.” 

Overcome with desire and curiosity I rolled over onto my back and elbows and looked up at him. He paused. “What?” I chewed my bottom lip vigorously as I searched for words to make my wish seem less infantile. I held my hand out to him motioning him to come to me and he crawled up the bed, lying down on his side next to me. He propped his head up on his elbow, looking down at me waiting for me to find my mouth again. I placed my hand on his chest looking up into his eyes. “I’m so curious about you.” I brushed my fingers over his collarbone and then traced zigzags over his chest following my hand with my eyes. I stopped and looked back up into his face. “About all of you.” 

He pursed his lips, wrinkling his brows infinitesimally as he dissected my words. “As I am about you as well. But I feel like you’re trying to ask me something.” I ran my hand down his stomach and slid it under his hand where it laid at his hip. “How do I affect you?” The hand over mine twitched as my words sunk in. I curled one of my fingers over his in a tender caress. “Show me?” I asked, unsure if it was even a reasonable request. Time ticked by at a painfully slow rate as I watched his lashes flutter and counted my racing heartbeats waiting for his response. His fingers wrapped around mine, gently holding my hand. He closed his eyes as he brought my hand down over his need, cupping himself gently in my palm before releasing my hand. He brought his hand up to my cheek as he opened his eyes. “I said I was yours. I meant it in every way.” He leaned forward, rolling towards me as he kissed me. My hand was now pinned between us and I raised my eyebrows as his hard shaft flexed in my hand. 

He pulled back, looking down into my face. My finger twitched and he realized he had my hand trapped and leaned back. “Sorry.” He was easily longer than my hand, fingertip to wrist, but I just couldn’t really tell without coping even more of a feel; which I honestly wanted to do, but I felt like I was already overstepping my bounds. His shaft flexed again and I looked up into his eyes. “Are you doing that?” He wrinkled his brows. “I can, although right now it’s more of a reflex to your touch.” I felt silly asking such basic questions. “Does it hurt?” He smiled. “If it gets really, really hard it can, but right now it doesn’t.” 

I raised my eyebrows. “You get harder?” He bit his bottom lip, trying not to laugh. “Not much.” He brought his lips close to mine. “I’ve only been harder when I woke up from our dream last night.” He placed a soft kiss on my lips and flexed into my hand again. I instinctively curled my fingers around his shaft and he groaned. I instantly squeaked and let go. “I’m sorry.” Zuriel laughed taking my hand in his again and wrapping it firmly around him. “You have nothing to be sorry about. You can be a lot rougher with me and it won’t hurt. You can be as curious as you like and I won’t mind.” He looked down into my eyes. “In fact, I wish you were.” He released my hand, allowing me to decide for myself. I sat up on my elbow facing him and he dropped his, lying flat on the bed. His eyes begged me to continue, but his posture promised no pressure. I was in complete control.